Alternative indoor activities – Dancing

If you prefer the active life and like to be “actively doing” even when you are intending to have lots of fun then Dancing and Dance routines coud be something to consider if too much television is not your gig.

Discover new music Well since you know Single Ladies by Beyonce off by heart then why not see what else is out there. Theres bound to be a whole ton of stuff just asking to be discovered and now you’ve got an excuse to see what’s out there.

Have a way of embracing international music If you are a language learner or someone who is keeping their linguistic skills up to date then its a no fuss way of embracing music from other shores and keeping up to date with “what’s just hit the Argentine chart at number 1”.

Depending on your preference this can be coupled with singing.

Doesn’t require other people for you to enjoy it Sure it’s often nice to share your activities with others but this is one of those activities that can be enjoyed solo if you are rained out and truly can’t get to your mates house at all. It can also be enjoyed in the company of others for example Zumba etc.

Zumba Is usually a group activity where a mild exercise/dance routine is shared among the participants while some high tempo music is being played in the background. It’s popular among many age groups and provides relatively easily accessible means of sharing both exercise and dance in the company of others.

Exercise routines Some are looking for a more full on exercise regimen, usually with the aid of an experienced physical trainer. These regimens can and usually are enjoyed in the presence of music to get and keep the participants in the mood.

Cultured Music and Dances Love Salsa, Flamenco and other cultured dancing styles that are a hit in the ballroom? Many clubs and classes that teach these styles are out there and they can be a great way to meet new people and “feel” another culture by practising it.

Help with sense of self Even if done in your own privacy dancing can be a nice carefree way to embrace yourself and feel at one with yourself.  It’s a way of expressing yourself in a westernised culture that appears to care only about productivity. The ability to do something for the sheer fact it helps you to feel whole and enlivened. We can show our spirit and our heart through dance. This can build confidence in other areas.

Release of good vibes If you do any form of dancing for even half an hour the chemicals it will release into your bloodstream will help to raise your mood and spirits and can also wake you up if you are feeling a little tired to a more enlivened state.

Keep Dancing!

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

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Understanding Aspbergers syndrome

As someone with the condition I thought I’d use my website as a platform to not only raise awareness of the condition but also aid those who seek to know more about it. As people with Aspbergers are not a monolith there will be some things that wont be applicable to your best friend, partner or even yourself! I’ll speak about how I relate to the ones applicable to me where possible.

The condition is best understood as a social disability although it can have some other potential symptoms that are unrelated to socializing. As part of the Autistic spectrum it’s seen as a condition in the Autistic Spectrum family and has been also called High Functioning Autism.

Need for Structure and Routine I can relate to those that need a structure to their day. It’s our way of knowing where we are at.

Differing manner of speech Some of us are known to over think and therefore not say an awful lot. This causes us issues from the perspective that some people see these sufferers as quiet when they perhaps are thinking of the best way to say something.

Most of us can have professor like vocabularies and this is usually true when speaking about our “areas of deep interest” or anything closely related.

Many of us speak in a manner that’s borderline formal although this can and does change in the right company.

May struggle to read facial expression or body language Because our brain chemistry is wired differently we can have trouble reading body language or misread it.

Perfection Many of us are either perfectionists or semi perfectionists. While this can be a great skill and aptitude to have it can mean we can be harsh on ourselves.

Stimming This is rarely heard of outside of the Aspie/Autistic sphere. Put simply stimming is our way of calming ourselves and neutralising any negative feelings that we may have. There are a wide range of stims that people use to self sooth when the need arises.

Phone Phobia I was pleased to read I wasn’t and am not the only one with this. This is in effect a mild apprehension of calling someone you are not yet acquainted with.

Have difficulty with falseness in general In most cases we have tremendous difficulty in pretending something is anything other than the way it is. I always struggle with the question How are you?, Because there’s a social norm to say good, thanks even if that’s not entirely true at the time. I understand the concept of “fake it till you make it” but have always been beyond hopeless at pulling it off in practice. I and many other aspies are transparent in our intent.

Sensory difficulties Some of us have sensory difficulties regarding bright lights, lots of noise, loud noise or even a combination. I’ve luckily only struggled with loud noise but others have sensory issues including more than one.

Intense interests We often have interests that are not the regular interests (although we can and do have those as well) ranging from Train Spotting to Banknote Collecting and many others. We usually have very deep knowledge bases on these “specialist” interests of ours.

Can be self-absorbed Without meaning to be we can be or come across as “self-absorbed”. We can over talk about ourselves without meaning to or even being “self conscious” that this is in fact what we are doing. It’s also possible that we may fail to take pleasure in other people happiness at times although this is not intended.

May have motor skill delays One of the key non socially related ones I grew up with was a delay in motor dexterity. It certainly took me a little longer to be able to play tennis and ride a bike then my peer group at the time.

May have noticeable difficulties in the dating arena Coupled with difficulty in accurately reading facial and bodily expressions many of us have underdeveloped flirting skills and skills surrounding dating as a concept. As a lesbian I’ve always been relieved when I’ve been hit on by girls rather than having to navigate how to do that sort of thing myself.

Struggle to keep eye contact I’ve heard of this complaint quite a lot from other aspies and can relate to it myself with ease. There is a social norm among society at large that eye contact is essential when talking to someone. I find this hard to do and it can put me off what I was actually trying to say. There are techniques out there that give the illusion of looking someone in the eye while not actually doing so which fulfils this expectation fairly well.

Most of us like people In most cases we do want to connect with others. The ability to “play it cool” is often an ability lost on us. Some of us can get lonely because of this and some seek people similar to us that “get” our way of seeing things.

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

Sentence Sharing method in language exchanges

As an introvert and someone with aspbergers that’s also a language learner I have the greatest level of appreciation for those who share the struggle of interpersonal communication with others for the purpose of learning (or augmenting) their linguistic ability. I recently came across this method I am choosing to dub “sentence sharing” and I on the whole rather like it.

The methodology is to find someone who is keen of learning (augmenting) their skills in a language you speak fluently/native level and for you to desire the same.

As the title goes you are literally sharing sentences you know to be correct with a translation into the other language, bonus points for sharing voice recordings to aid in pronunciation skills. All you need is a good resource book and a bit of desire to find out some phrases you’d likely use and your good to go.

As with all methodologies there will likely be pros and cons but I think the pros will outweigh the cons for most introverted types.

Pros

Varied usage of the languages Any sentence you have proficiency in both languages in can be used. This is going to give you a greater outlook then only knowing sentences like “what do you do for a living” and “what’s your favourite colour?

No requirement for real-time interaction or even a conversation. Depending on which method you use you can leave each other voice clips (in both languages) for the other person to practise when they next catch a free minute. It leaves you feeling like you don’t have to stress out over international time zones and can pick up on exchanging with a methodology that’s just a bit more relaxed.

Small talk is unlikely to be found and even if it is found its mostly going to be found in the context of “how to say it” rather than “lets discuss me and you” or the dreaded “tell me about yourself”.

Both languages get equal space If it’s done as its intended to be carried out then both your intended language and theirs get equal screen time and air time (assuming you are voice recording). Many of us have experienced those times where one language dominates the conversation using other methods and even if this swings in your favour it’s not entirely equal.

Cons

This will not be for everyone Some people are inherently social and will be looking for a more social means of conducting person to person language exchanges. This might in some ways lower the numbers of people you will be able to do this with. I’d suggest looking for people who are not overly concerned with being social or those who might be seeking higher level proficiency in your language.

Not everything will be useful to you and other bits won’t be useful straight away. I have given and received some sentences that might turn out to be useful one day but not now. However that’s not a problem as even if you only remember a few words you will be one step closer to understanding the syntax of the sentence. Any level of exposure to a language, particularly when you are practising (with the aid of a native) is a step in the right direction.

I quite like this method and think its a breath of fresh air in comparison to the mainstream way of language exchanging. I love the way you will encounter a greater vocabulary with this method and it even has a non real-time element involved as well which can be very beneficial to many.

If truth be told I didn’t find it, It found me but I’m glad it did.

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

Why I’m still on the fence about Gentrification

20150711_152014Gentrification is the term for when typically wealthier people arrive in a neighbourhood and as a result the area changes for what many perceive as better. As a result the feel of the area can change. While change is to be expected as nothing in life remains static not all change is equally as desired. Now I’m 27 and have gained some degree of life experience I have experienced some degree of both sides of the argument for and against gentrification.

Pros

Your hometown will be freshened up and the number of derelict buildings of buildings in a neglected state will start to diminish.

Less undesirable behavior takes place in your town No one enjoys to hear that people are being abused in the street by a group of youths. Rubbish dumped in the street most days a week does not serve to encourage others (including visitors) to treat your town much better. Polite society typically doesn’t tolerate undesirable behavior for long.

More ability to take pride in your town I’ve heard of people who were never particularly proud of the towns they lived in, that’s until gentrification came to town. Now that the local councils are taking rubbish collecting and social problems seriously the town is visibly improving and people who would have never thought of visiting are probably thinking of passing by.

Restoration of older buildings Many towns and cities have buildings that are worse for wear. Gentrification can and usually does restore these to a respectable standard and the locals can be proud that their building is now in a presentable state.

Cons

Loss of culture or character of the town A lot of towns that have been gentrified have had their own subculture or feel to them. Nowadays while these towns look nice they often possess no sense of soul.

Community spirit While its fantastic to see some of the towns past problems disappear this can be at a tradeoff of community spirit. As nice as a new supermarket is, very little sense of community spirit will be found there.

Specific communities can lose their community I have experienced this twice in the city  of London first hand. There’s a Latin/Southern American community in North London I know of fairly well. This community has had to fight more than once to keep it. I also know of a lesbian bar I used to frequent that now is no more. There is only one left in the entire city. If you rely on specific communities like this at all then this is an obvious downside to gentrification.

Increasing rents Even if the cultural aspect manages to remain (or to some degree) many can be forced out due to rising rents and prices of goods and services. Not everyone is a high flyer in the career sense and that’s OK. Some of us a happy being working class and have no true interest or desire for the boardroom or anything remotely similar. However these people can be priced out of their own neighborhood fairly quickly.

The area loses out forever I know that the Latin/Southern American communities building was going to be bulldozed at one time. This was with the intention of building handful of designer shops and an appartement block. A lot of the areas character and charm will be lost and there would be little reason for people to want to visit that area over any other that already has designer shops. No amount of money, no matter how well-intentioned can buy community spirit or cultural identity.

Ultimately I think it can work well at times but only if the local culture and community is preserved (including any specialist or international communities). I am not so keen if there is no effort taken to retain the culture of an area.

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

Dear Introverts, there is middle ground

20160312_180750.jpgAre parties not your thing, along with most socialite type activities. Do you feel like you really don’t want to waste time at that family gathering with uncles you never had anything in common from the get go? Then the answer is…… watch lots of TV and movies and read till your heart’s content, little need for socialization with people who are not your besties. Hmmmmm or is it?

Here is where I belive some of us have been sold down the river by Introvert positive social media pages. In this day and age there is now a lesser spoken of 3rd option that if used to its fullest ability could provide a level of no fuss socialization for those who are open to it as well as trying new activities.

The answer is Meetup and other websites like it. For those looking to get less screen time or looking for some change of scene once a week (although more times are possible) this is the place to be. It will take some level of knowing what it is you like to do activity wise or at least and idea of what you could possibly find yourself enjoying. Being involved in an activity will cut down the levels of small talk, there may still be some element of small talk but this will be a lot less than at a party or other social gathering not centered around an activity.

Here are some reasons as to why you might wish to seek this sort of option.

Outdoorsy or Active introverts most certainly exist and potentially in numbers greater than the social media pages might have us believe. For someone who’s active and introverted the likelihood of staying indoors is unlikely to be their thing as is small talk. This website provides them with activities like walking in the summer and board gaming in the winter.

Social skills mildly improve By partaking in an activity with other people in a “socially safe” manner it keeps our social skills active and we might even learn a new one or two. While many introverts don’t feel they need as many social skills as the socially keen extrovert there are a few key areas of the social world that are useful to all.

 Personal growth Going to activity related meetups provides a way to get out there with the world.TV and even reading is great, but it can be nice to be with the world.

Moving cities or countries Have a plan to move towns, or even live abroad. With these events you will be able to stand a fair chance of making new close contacts (best friends) and having a social sphere in your new city or country. One way to prevent yourself becoming an outsider unnecessarily.

One of your nearest and dearest moves So you had 2-3 best friends that you could share your innermost thoughts with. Then one has to move city or country. Dayum! With such activities you might make some new besties in time and discover a passion for Karaoke while you’re at it. Get In!

Good for weekend pursuits So its Friday and this week you want to try something different then the usual reading or box set. Maybe that pretty cake baking meetup the other side of town is that low-key answer you’ve been looking for.

Not all socializing is the nemesis of the introvert but endless small talk almost unanimously is. This “new dawn” is there for any of us who is willing and curious enough to take it. There is now a halfway house between pretending to be extroverted and staying in all day, it just might take some of the Facebook pages a while to catch on!

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

Alternative Indoor Activities – Board Gaming

Ever wanted a bit more out of life than watching endless amounts of T.V or being glued to Facebook. For those looking to spice up their leisure time with something a little different perhaps board gaming might be a fair alternative.

Practicality If you’re the sort who prepares to “do” even during your free time than board gaming has to be a fair contender. Not everyone is lucky enough to live in a mild or hot climate all year round but its a fantastic option for when the weather is bad.

Meet new people Going to board games meetings as a brilliant way of meeting new people. Many new people turn up to these events periodically and there is always two or three regulars on hand to explain the rules of the games being played.

Get to try many new games and concepts I have so far attended only three meetups but the diversity of games played is something I wouldn’t have imagined. Concepts as simple as card games where you have to play cooperatively to place all the colours in number order to complete board games themed on time travel and competitive play, It does not take too long for you to get exposed to a number of concepts. Three of my favorites are

Dead Men Tell no Tales which is a co-operative game where you are required to take treasures off a burning pirate ship while fighting fires and eliminating deck hands

String Railway, Where you have to grow your railway empire using coloured string and cards. Points are gained and lost over a number of factor of what’s on the card and how the string “tracks” are laid. Competitive play

Forbidden Island, A co-operative play game where the team is required to stop areas of an island sinking before players can attain enough cards to get a treasure. When all treasures are collected all need to be on the helicopter space to leave and win. If the helicopter space is fully submerged (lost) or both the habitats for collecting a treasure then the players lose.

The level of fresh and highly creative ideas is amazing and I’m sure there’s a perfect game out there for everyone. I have barely even started out and I’m sure to see more

Fantastic option for introverts As someone with aspbergers and an introverted personality type* I will always look out for those who struggle socially (for whatever reason) Since there is already and activity present the levels of small talk will be lesser than other settings.

*these are not the same thing

Make friends in the long-term If you are looking for friendships as some of your previous friends have moved out of the area of simply want to have some friends who share in some of your interests it may be possible once you’ve become a regular. By then it’s possible that you’ve bought a copy of your favorite game and the invites might also start coming in at this point for you to get invites to come to theirs to play.

A way to get out even when it’s too cold for the beach Sure it’s far too cold for a picnic in the park or a paddle in the sea, but you can still enjoy all the delights of mother nature while heading to the meetup.

A blast of the past in an unexpected way Many of us played board (and card) games as a child with the family and friends we had at the time. Many of us go through a period of not playing. In due time we find out that many adults enjoy playing board games and not only that but there’s a meetup this week! Sure, the games played are an entirely different animal to the cluedo of days past but the warm feeling of “being round the table” to enjoy a game comes back.

Unplugging Some of us have reasons as to why we would like to limit screen time. If you work in an office for example or have multiple children it might be nice to “get away from all screens” and enjoy something that doesn’t involve them.

For me its only getting started, let the games commence!

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

Why keep the T.V on the down low?

20150808_191453.jpgI may be known for a number of reasons, but its safe to say watching lots of television is not one of them. I’m not the only one out there that tries to moderate their T.V intake as many have reasons why they feel that thier focus should be on other activities both career wise and recreational. If you are considering a life of less television here are some good reasons as to why it may be beneficial.

Taking away from people around you The world has many great people in it. By overwatching the telly you are limiting your chances of meeting them, and possibly making new friendships. While those on the screen might be great characters why not forge some experiences of your own with real people. Even the introverts among us can focus on our few closer friends a bit more.

Negative F.M So some programmes are worse at this than others. In particular the soaps and the News broadcasts. The soaps have declined over the years to the point that the “negative plots” have increased and since when did you find a news piece that was positive. While they do exist I’m sure you had to stop and think for a few moments.

Overeating Ever watched something and just got restless from all the passive sitting and then gone to get something to eat to find that before you know it you’ve binged?  Don’t worry I won’t judge as we all have (including yours truly). There are many studies which link television over use with binge eating.

Money The amount of money spent on not only the box itself but TV related paraphernalia is quite high. Many households actually have more TV’s then people and just imagine all the scart leads and miscellany required. Also have you ever rented a DVD to find you didn’t watch it before the return date. I’m sure we all have done it once in our lives. Wow that’s a lot of dough.

Some of us are innately “practical people” I’d often times rather sing (albeit usually in other languages). I’ve found a meeting of board gamers which is a good alternative “indoorsy” activity. Some of us truly are people who prefer to “do” even in leisure time.

Being with nature Isn’t mother nature wonderful? By putting down the remote you will get more chance of seeing different areas of our lovely planet. Even cities and built up areas can have their beauty.

Unrealistic expectations are created In both adverts and the programmes themselves the people are subtly un-natural. I say subtly as they don’t look un-natural per se but how many people do you see that look like these actors on your local high street. All the actors are made up by make up artists (yes even the men) which gives them a look superior to that of the nicest looking man or woman on the street. No wonder our teens have self-confidence issues.

Time Ever caught yourself in that spiral where you’d like to stop watching but you just can’t bring yourself to, and before you know it you’ve watched an extra hour. Once again I’m sure we all have. It’s believed that the average American watches around 34 hours a week. Some of those hours could be better spent on relationships with people or something you’ve really wanted to do.

Advertising is big business. The TV could be playing a role in purchases you neither truly wanted or needed. Adverts are made in such a way that they can tap into your subconscious mind and at least influence your purchasing decisions. It’s no secret that Advertisers will use every trick of human psychology out there in order to make you feel you need that purchase.

Is it always truly relaxing? We have all found ourselves watching something we barely care about. Sometimes we do is as we feel there’s “nothing better to do” and other times to procrastinate, but in those situations we feel neither relaxed nor entertained.

Creativity Have a lot of creative energy? or simply have a desire to be creative just for fun? More time spent consuming is less spent creating. Whether its drawing, paper mache, poetry or music if you have a passion for creativity then the box in the corner of the room might be one of the reasons you don’t embrace it as much as you might have liked.

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable