Hello Dear Readers
My title is a bit dramatic and it is for fairly positive reasons.
Comparing yourself to another person really is a way to sabotage (or lessen) your chances of happiness.
Sure, we’ve all been there, myself included. Examples could be She looks better than I do, He’s got a better job than mine, Wow their house is amazingly decorated and beats mine and the list could quite easily go on. There truly is potentially no end to the number of possibilities out there, but its a fair idea stop or at least lessen this revolving door, for the sake of your happiness.
Sure I do understand its hard to do and I’m in no way an expert in not doing it 100% of the way but here are some insights which might aid you in at least limiting the beast which is self comparison with others.
Realise that who you might envy have their own struggles. Sure, they might not appear on the surface. They likely won’t share them with you, unless you know each other well but yes everybody has struggles of their own. Realising this takes the “sting” out of the comparison with the other person.
Should you wish to make comparison then previous “versions” of yourself is an entirely better means of going about it. Over the course of years you will have changed in ways entirely un-imaginable to former “versions” of yourself. You can also use experience from the vast wealth of previous life experience or career experience to help guide the you in the present gain what it is you feel you require for happiness. Even ways you did things previously that did not work will help greatly in choosing a different course of action or response.
If you are looking for something someone else has then why not consider how to incorporate what they have into your life in an emotionally productive way. This will not always work and will not always work quickly but it can in some circumstances. Easier things to obtain such as a fashionable style someone else rocks can be obtainable with a simple complement and a genuine question or two about how they do it and where is the best shops for that look etc. If you can implement a simple change such as fashion style of simple behaviors you have little to lose and more to gain.
Compliment people who emulate something you like even if you don’t directly wish for what it is they have. So if someone has a fashion sense that totally rocks on them but it’s not something you’d go for yourself, why not drop a genuine compliment. It opens you up and is instant karma, Result! In effect you are celebrating their (style, character, house, whatever) with them. Complementing others will lead you to complement yourself as well as it’s a positive form of energy.
Seek growth that’s right for you but don’t be overzealous with your quest for growth. We all wish to grow and advance, but there are the paths that naturally suit us and those that will not. To choose the path that will not could affect our happiness.
I remember when I was trying to advance in a “career” even though it was (at the time) making me more fearful and impinging on my sense of happiness. Career building is great if you have a passion for law or accountancy but if you don’t any novelty could be short-lived and ultimately your sense of happiness could dwindle.
Remember that someone else’s path is different to yours. I remember back at school where some people choose their final year subjects based on what their friends had chosen. I thought I’d mention that to prove it can happen. If you try to compare yourself by the ways of other people you might find yourself walking their path and not yours.
So why not try to love yourself and nourish yourself in every way possible.
Or in the words of Iyanla Vanzant “comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self”
La Reina Razonable