Why desire introspection?

20150801_173659.jpgFor many of us introspection or the process of looking inward is seen as either hard to do or scary. While it’s in most cases not entirely easy nor comfortable it’s a much-needed life skill I have attained a reasonable proficiency in, although I admit its one of those where even I’m still learning and  have a long way to go.

So why would I implore anyone looking for happiness and an understanding of themselves look into the idea of introspection and go on what will ultimately become a lifelong journey of introspection.

Helps us connect and emote with the concerns of others Through looking within and trying to understand yourself both through your eyes and how the world see’s you, you will come across perspectives you may have previously had no understanding of.

To gain insight into our own distress (ess) Were all human and we all have things in life that cause varying degrees of distress. It’s just we don’t actually know what’s causing the so-called distress. I for example have had an identity crisis twice in my lifetime and while I do not deny they messed with my head in the moment I’m ultimately grateful for them as I understand my sense of self in key areas which were always there but “hidden off to an extent” by a number of factors.

To put down the distractions to aim for something better Before you can be introspective at all you will need to identify and limit distractions. These distractions typically are used to numb stress. While I can understand how someone might want to do this the problem will be that the unsolved problem and source of discomfort could persist for years and even a lifetime if not remedied.

An example being someone who leaves a job they hate and can’t wait to get home and drink wine not long after arriving home. A healthier idea would be to admit they hate their current job and need to find something different.

After a while you could notice negative patterns Introspection can be of major benefit to knowing when you are doing something the same way or very close to the same way when something went wrong back then.

Maybe you treated your partner a certain way and they left you, if you can see the signs before doing this again your most recent partner may be with you longer, or even for life.

Face fears I and many others have had times where I’ve had either a fear of a strong discomfort I truly needed to face up to at some point. Introspection (usually) coupled with pressure to do something makes you wake up to the extent of such fears and discomforts and give you a chance of lowering them.

Ultimately do this for greater happiness and satisfaction
 Yes there are times when it will be uncomfortable and sometimes entirely so, but the gift will be a greater sense of self understanding and happiness in the end. Discomfort is not a bad thing and exists within nature. A lobster outgrows its shell when it feels discomfort. Without the feeling of discomfort it would not outgrow its inflexible shell in order to create the new one.

Ultimately lobsters do this several times across their lifespan up until the point as to which they no longer need to grow in size.

Introspection is a lifelong journey that’s well worth taking as why would anyone truly want to be condemned to suffer without knowing the extent of their problem.

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

That will make me happy, right?

20161008_1655101I’m going to get into things that we think will make us happy but turn out not to most of the time for most of us. We have all done something we “in our heart of hearts” thought would somehow enhance our happiness only to reach the destination to find our levels of happiness are not reaching new heights, or even shifting for the better slightly.

So I’ll share with you a non exhaustive list possible situations and things which may appear to “make you happier” but are hollow.

Fame It’s one of those things that looks great when you don’t have it. To some degree it even looks good when you do have it, but the façade wears off after then honeymoon period. Look at the countless celebrities who said fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, this usually happens mid to late career when it all sinks in.

Wealth This one has an air of subjectivity to it. Money is great from the perspective of living comfortable and being able to do what you enjoy (within reasonable limits),but does extreme wealth buy happiness? I’d suggest probably not. The more you have, the more there is to lose. Not to mention the vast amount of people will never achieve extreme wealth.

 So its great to have a good number of friends but being extremely popular might not enhance happiness beyond having a steady (average number) of friends. You’re social calendar might be back to back for the whole week with even yet more people wanting to catch up. I could imagine that to get overwhelming.

Buying stuff and materialism This has a few ways in which it can be a black hole for ones total happiness.

The newness or “currency ” will fade over time. Keeping up with the Joneses will only last so long, there will be a new pair of trainers out next month. Have you got them?

You once again have more to lose. While physical possessions are nice you could lose them at any time, not to mention you are merely a temporary custodian while you are here on planet earth.

The “rush” to acquire more is always there. In most cases the rush and excitement before buying something actually is more exciting than when you actually have one, this can lead to more buying. In time this can become a merry-go-round.

Women’s magazines While I think paying attention to your appearance and making the effort to display your best self is a positive self affirming thing for women I do think the fashion mags can detract from our happiness by putting out lots of false images that we should aspire to. Many of these images are unobtainable due to the fact that they are using models and many of the photos used are photoshopped or “doctored” in some way. These images can give out unrealistic expectations.

Accomplishing While accomplishing is indeed a positive thing in moderation, over accomplishing can tire, stress, and tax the mind and physique. While a successful project can aid happiness productivity itself can limit happiness if you go overboard.

Productivity aimed in the wrong direction can also limit potential happiness as all the work is being put in with minimal results so its wise to check in with yourself to see if everything is still relevant.

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable

Try not to sabotage life with comparing yourself to others

20160312_181311Hello Dear Readers

My title is a bit dramatic and it is for fairly positive reasons.

Comparing yourself to another person really is a way to sabotage (or lessen) your chances of happiness.

Sure, we’ve all been there, myself included. Examples could be She looks better than I do, He’s got a better job than mine, Wow their house is amazingly decorated and beats mine and the list could quite easily go on. There truly is potentially no end to the number of possibilities out there, but its a fair idea stop or at least lessen this revolving door, for the sake of your happiness.

Sure I do understand its hard to do and I’m in no way an expert in not doing it 100% of the way but here are some insights which might aid you in at least limiting the beast which is self comparison with others.

Realise that who you might envy have their own struggles. Sure, they might not appear on the surface. They likely won’t share them with you, unless you know each other well but yes everybody has struggles of their own. Realising this takes the “sting” out of the comparison with the other person.

Should you wish to make comparison then previous “versions” of yourself is an entirely better means of going about it. Over the course of years you will have changed in ways entirely un-imaginable to former “versions” of yourself. You can also use experience from the vast wealth of previous life experience or career experience to help guide the you in the present gain what it is you feel you require for happiness. Even ways you did things previously that did not work will help greatly in choosing a different course of action or response.

If you are looking for something someone else has then why not consider how to incorporate what they have into your life in an emotionally productive way. This will not always work and will not always work quickly but it can in some circumstances. Easier things to obtain such as a fashionable style someone else rocks can be obtainable with a simple complement and a genuine question or two about how they do it and where is the best shops for that look etc. If you can implement a simple change such as fashion style of simple behaviors you have little to lose and more to gain.

Compliment people who emulate  something you like even if you don’t directly wish for what it is they have. So if someone has a fashion sense that totally rocks on them but it’s not something you’d go for yourself, why not drop a genuine compliment. It opens you up and is instant karma, Result! In effect you are celebrating their (style, character, house, whatever) with them. Complementing others will lead you to complement yourself as well as it’s a positive form of energy.

Seek growth that’s right for you but don’t be overzealous with your quest for growth. We all wish to grow and advance, but there are the paths that naturally suit us and those that will not. To choose the path that will not could affect our happiness.

I remember when I was trying to advance in a “career” even though it was (at the time) making me more fearful and impinging on my sense of happiness. Career building is great if you have a passion for law or accountancy but if you don’t any novelty could be short-lived and ultimately your sense of happiness could dwindle.

Remember that someone else’s path is different to yours. I remember back at school where some people choose their final year subjects based on what their friends had chosen. I thought I’d mention that to prove it can happen. If you try to compare yourself by the ways of other people you might find yourself walking their path and not yours.

So why not try to love yourself and nourish yourself in every way possible.

Or in the words of Iyanla Vanzant “comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self”

Samantha Eaton

La Reina Razonable